When Baby Advice Becomes A Mental Health Concern

Why is a charity addressing adult wellbeing talking about babies’ emotional wellbeing?

The most obvious reason is that strong foundations build lasting wellbeing.

But there’s an even more pressing reason. Many of our beneficiaries are parents themselves.

And many are suffering the fallout of being bombarded with advice designed to make sure their children never suffer the consequences of their parents’ catastrophic mistakes.

Because apparently, get enough things wrong in those early years, and you risk damaging your child’s emotional wellbeing for life.

No pressure, then.

Which makes for some very stressed-out parents.

And stress is not exactly a good recipe for self-care, self-compassion or self-confidence.

Conflicting advice can chip away at the foundations of confident parenting. One minute you’re told one thing, the next minute you’re told the opposite. And somehow, you’re expected to know which advice to follow, get it all right, and never make a mistake.

So when parents are bombarded with messages about exclusive breastfeeding, attachment parenting, safe sleep, baby-led weaning, choking hazards and nut allergies, all seemingly contradicting one another, how are they supposed to feel when they can’t meet every single goal?

Guilty? Anxious? Like they’re already getting it wrong?

Add sleep deprivation and fluctuating hormones after childbirth (and yes, dads are vulnerable to postnatal depression too!), and you have a recipe for disaster.

Of course, babies need care. They need safety, love, attention and responsive adults who try their best to understand and meet their needs.

But there is a difference between giving parents useful information and making them feel that every decision is a test they could fail.

And there is a difference between encouraging parents to do their best and making them believe that anything less than perfection will damage their child forever.

Because real life happens. Breastfeeding doesn't always work out as planned. Parents need to return to work. Sometimes, there's no time to cook a nutritious meal, and some days, everyone's exhausted. Sometimes we miss a cue, misunderstand a cry or get it wrong. We are human.

The aim isn't to get everything right. It's to keep learning, keep trying and keep connecting with our children, without losing ourselves in the process.

So what does Chizuk have to do with all this?

At Chizuk, we believe that supporting babies’ emotional wellbeing and supporting adults’ mental health are not separate conversations. They are deeply connected.

Many of our beneficiaries are young parents navigating all of this in real time. And our board members are young parents too. We aren't standing on the sidelines telling other people how to do parenting perfectly. We're part of the same community, living through many of the same questions, pressures and uncertainties.

So Chizuk wanted to provide reliable, accessible information that helps parents understand their babies and feel more confident in their care. But we also wanted to offer something just as important: Peer-to-peer support.

We wanted to find out if we were on to something.

So we ran a pilot project featuring an article in a baby magazine, a podcast from an infant sleep professional and a live Q&A on infant wellbeing.

We received 40 responses from young community members, showing us there was a real demand for this kind of support.

One parent shared:

“I felt so guilty about returning to work, guilty that I wanted that mental stimulation, and worried about harming my baby’s attachment! With Early Bonds’ practical information, I was confidently able to return to part time work after 6 months, knowing my baby’s needs were clearly understood by a caring childminder, at a schedule that worked for her and me! My baby is thriving!”

Another told us:

“Thank you for teaching me how to learn my babies from observation rather than by the book!! My kids now tell me what they need, as opposed to whining and having meltdowns, and I learnt this through tuning in!”

These messages showed us how the right information and reassurance can help parents feel more confident, tune in to their children and trust themselves rather than follow a book to the letter.

And then there were the grandmothers.

This was a group we hadn't expected to engage so strongly with this topic.

''I’ve never been so calm about my daughters’ babies before! I now know what their different cries mean, and how to handle them!’’

Another shared:

“I’ve referred my daughter to your podcast, finally a trusted information source I feel confident to send her.”

Their responses showed us how deeply their adult children's struggles affected them. They could see their children feeling anxious and overwhelmed, and they wanted to help.

But how do you help your adult child when you feel helpless yourself?

How do you reassure them when you're not sure which advice to trust?

And how do you watch someone you love struggle without feeling that you need to do something?

Chizuk aims to help make the experience of parenting a little less overwhelming.

We want to encourage safe, responsive care, while recognising that we cannot, and don't have to, get everything right all the time.

At Chizuk, we are acutely aware of how the advice we give or receive can shape how we feel about ourselves, stir up conflicting emotions, and determine whether we experience parenting as something we can learn and grow into, or as an endless series of opportunities to get things wrong.

Baby advice is not mental health advice. Yet for a parent it is mental health.