More Than Being Cared For

What does a baby need in order to feel safe? Food is clearly essential. A baby needs to be fed, kept warm and physically protected. Yet most parents and carers instinctively understand that something more is needed. A baby also needs to be held, comforted and responded to. They need to experience the warmth of another living being. During the 1950s, American psychologist Harry Harlow carried out a series of studies that changed the way many people thought about this question. His work was later published in a famous paper called The Nature of Love. An unexpected beginning Harlow did not originally set out to become known for his research with monkeys. When he arrived at the University of Wisconsin in 1930, he discovered that the rat laboratory he expected to use had been dismantled. He therefore began observing monkeys at a nearby zoo and later established his own research colony of rhesus macaques. At the time, importing monkeys was expensive and difficult. Many arrived in poor health, and illness could quickly spread throughout the colony. After losing an entire group of monkeys to tuberculosis, Harlow began raising monkeys within the university. To prevent infection, infant monkeys were separated from their mothers shortly after birth and kept in individual cages. Physically, they appeared healthy. They were fed and cared for. Yet their behaviour suggested that something important was missing. The young monkeys struggled socially and became strongly attached to the soft cloth pads placed inside their cages. When the pads were removed for cleaning, some became extremely distressed and had intense temper tantrums. Harlow began to wonder whether the cloth provided something more than physical comfort. Could it be meeting a deeper emotional need? The cloth mother and the wire mother To explore this question, Harlow created two artificial mother figures. One was made from wire and provided milk. The other did not provide milk but was covered in soft cloth and felt warm and comforting to touch. Based on some of the psychological thinking at the time, it might have been expected that the baby monkeys would become most attached to the mother that provided food. That is not what happened. Although the monkeys approached the wire mother when they needed milk, they spent far more time clinging to the cloth mother. When they felt frightened or uncertain, they returned to the soft mother for reassurance. Food kept them alive, but comfort appeared to help them feel safe. Harlow called this contact comfort. He concluded that physical closeness, warmth and softness were not simply pleasant additions to care. They appeared to be central to the development of affection and emotional security. The studies suggested that feeding alone could not explain the bond between an infant and a caregiver. Nursing may support attachment partly because it naturally brings the infant into repeated, close contact with another person. Love is not only about what we provide We sometimes think that caring for another person means solving their problems or making sure that their practical needs are met. We provide food, clothing, education, advice or professional support. Yet people also need to feel that someone is emotionally present with them. A child may have everything they physically require but still feel alone. An adult recovering from illness may be surrounded by services but still long for warmth, dignity and ordinary human connection. Support is therefore not only about what we give. It is also about how another person experiences us while we are giving it. Do they feel hurried or understood? Do they feel judged or accepted? Do they feel like a problem being managed, or a person being accompanied? What Harlow’s work leaves us with Harlow became widely known because he described his research as an exploration of “The Nature of Love”. No experiment can fully explain love. Love cannot be reduced to cloth, warmth or physical contact. It includes commitment, understanding, responsibility, patience and the willingness to remain connected through difficult moments. Perhaps the most important message is a simple one. People do not only need to be provided for. They need to feel held in mind.